Isle of Wight Council Leaders May Burn In Hell – God Willing
Lawyers for the Isle of Wight Council, have confirmed rumours it faces legal action after receiving a writ for ‘Copyright infringements and Defamation of Character’ from The Lord God Almighty.
In a statement issued to The Candy Press by the Councils legal department, they confirm God is taking the action in response to “The Isle of Wight Councils use of the phrase – All this Beauty is of God – as its official Island motto” and for “Continuing to claim the Isle of Wight is Gods waiting room and thereby profiting from his name.”
The Lord God – who is representing himself – claims the motto gives the impression that he personally made the Island, when it was in fact a junior member of staff and done as part of a training module. God will further claim the Council knows ‘full well’ his waiting room was re-located from the Isle of Wight to Basingstoke in 2001 due to better transport links, such as roads suitable for wheeled-vehicles and bus fares that don’t require a mortgage.
Council leader David Pugh has said “Our lawyers and a host of angels will robustly defend the councils position,” adding that “as a member of the Church of England, I doubt very much this God person is real anyway.”
The Candy Press has also obtained an exclusive statement from God; “And I tell Ye oh Candy Press readers, I will deliver a plague of locusts and foul pestilence upon the house of Pugh. Let all the tribes of Newport rise up and drive out the lovers of Beelzebub from this blessed Island which, although jolly nice, don’t get me wrong, isn’t one of my best and was made by a trainee from some bits of Wales I had left-over.”