Island Loses No.1 Spot in Gods Waiting Room League Table

FURY has broken out amongst retired Island residents this week after the Island lost it’s ‘God’s Waiting Room’ title to Hove in the U.K. category.

A spokesperson for GWR(U.K.) explained that ‘With the island now having three successful and expanding music festivals, a vibrant music scene compared to yesteryear, that the title was just not appropriate this time round for the Island’.

Pew Baptiste of GWR(U.K.) said “We at GWR felt that the Island was losing sight and hold of its demographic status. It is not merely that there are so many music festivals now ,or even that CO-OP Funeral Care have been asked to ‘tone down’ their shop fascias. The facts are that the average age for an Island resident fell from 65.1 years to a sprightly 63.10 years over this decade”.

Hove has long been a competitor of the Island in the chase for this bi annual award. It is believed that key factors in the town itself winning the award are the town’s strong transport links with nearby Brighton and London. This enables people to access Hove much quicker to the Island to retire.

The town has lost three pubs this year all of which provided live music and the town’s average has rose to a worldly 65.10 years, a two year gap on the island.

Betty Dear, the Isle of Wights ‘Campaign Leader’ speaking from the Island’s GWR campaign headquarters in the British Heart Foundation shop in Shanklin says “I am very disappointed by the decision. Last month ‘Captain Snots’ was announced as shutting down meaning one less place for the young to frequent, numerous other charity shops have opened up too.

Only last week we campaigned and put proposals in place alongside GKN AEROSPACE for the Isle of Wight’s music festival licence to be revoked to make it a more appealing destination to the retired. The fact we have only one half mile stretch of dual carriageway and a plethora of Monday-Saturday, Sunday drivers. We are at a loss to understanding how it could of been awarded elsewhere.

The Island’s landscape is a recipe made for retirement heaven. I do concede though that the high ferry costs do keep away the Mainland’s retirees and keep many Island residents from ever leaving.

It is not at a high enough rate to outnumber those who cease to live any longer, but make no bones about it, we will be campaigning harder than ever next time around in getting the Island reinstated in its rightful place as God’s number one waiting room destination!”

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