Don’t Panic! All Is Fine & Dandy On Our Island

The new online ‘Spoof’ newspaper The Isle of Wight County Press has come under fire from Police and Council officials, after posting a news report that claimed “Something may have actually happened on The Isle of Wight.”

Although the article was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, many who read it took the news seriously, some and rang emergency services to find out what on earth was going on and whether they should stay indoors, evacuate to the mainland or simply end it all and be done with it.

The news-desk at The Candy Press was also swamped with calls from concerned Islanders, desperately trying to get to the bottom of this frightening story. Many of the panicked callers were elderly, vulnerable or poorly educated.

Our journalist wasn’t in at the time due to him covering ‘The Turnip Festival’ in Sandown, but our cleaner took the calls instead, reassured them it was just a “silly prank from a silly paper on that big, nasty inter-webby thingy” and urged them to try and get some sleep.

However, officials failed to see the funny side and have called for the closure of the site. Our strangely handsome Council leader David Pugh, spoke for many when he told The Candy Press; “I like a joke as much as the next man, but this so-called ‘spoof’ caused widespread panic and incontinence and the County Press must be closed down”

The County Press was launched just two weeks ago and has already attracted a following amongst the Islands under 50’s youth, who have been sharing it’s spoof news on Island social network sites, such as ‘Titter’ and ‘Fish Hook’.

Editor’s comment: As a fearless, trustworthy and obedient Newspaper, we fully support the words of our Islands leader HRH David Pugh Esquire. As such, The Isle of Wight Candy Press calls for the closure of this irresponsible and very naughty site, otherwise ‘There’ll be tears before bedtime!’