Council Amnesty For Fertilizer Thieves

The Council’s head of Highways “PotHole” Pete has been in touch with The Candy Press with an alarming update on our cycle path gridlock story.

Apparently news reached County Hall that some residents of Northwood had removed the “horse deposits” that were blocking the cycle track.

The Council’s solicitor, Sue Diaz-ofu, issued the following statement; “I would like to remind all Islanders that this type of fertilizer is very expensive and removing it from the public highway without permission is stealing!”

“If anybody has any ‘deposits’ in their possession I would advise them dump it at the entrance to County Hall, no questions asked.”

The head of PFI, Ivan Bigerwage also added: “The Island roads are covered in this stuff, we call it ‘Golden Brown’, look it up, prices for golden brown are at a record high and this is an important revenue stream for the council (after me and my staff have had our cut).