Clear Benefits For New Turbines

Wind Turbines


Controversial plans for eight new wind turbines to be erected in Island beauty spots have been submitted to the Isle of Wight Council.

BendVegen, a German company have announced they plan to erect the turbines on sensitive sites at the Pepperpot, St.Catherines Down, and adjacent to the Tennyson Monument in order to harvest the large subsidy currently blowing across the energy industry.

The German company plans to use revolutionary technology to ensure the turbines meet with local approval. A spokesperson for BendVegen stated; “These turbines are made entirely from clear perspex, and so will not be visible to the naked eye.”  The new turbines have clear perspex blades, a perspex shaft and a see-through generator housed in a transparant frontispiece.

The turbines, each a height of 300m, are said to be capable of producing enough electricity to kill 135 US death row inmates per week, that’s the equivalent of 3 million hours of community service, or sufficient to power the village of Roud for half an hour a month.

Reaction to the proposal has been mixed. The group OAP (Overners Against Progress) has launched an immediate anti-perspex turbine campaign. “We are not against other people in future generations suffering,” said a spokesperson “it’s just we want our own retirements to be as priviledged as possible.” The group are planning to put up lots of annoying signs that reduce visibility at road junctions in the hedges of their island homes.

Meanwhile Roy Horringford-Chale of the Footloose Trust has claimed “if this island really wants to be eco-friendly, the least it could do is make a half arsed effort.”

The council has acted swiftly to reassure residents. In a hastily convened public meeting, Councillor Barrington Busset claimed “let me assure those residents who are concerned about this proposal that we are intent on spending a small fortune on various feasibility and impact studies, most of which will be undertaken by consultancies owned by members of my immediate family. Let me assure you also that all this nonsense will go straight on to your council tax bills. Simply making a turbine out of perspex so nobody can see it is not enough to ensure property values are unaffected. I for one hope the whole debate remains so polarised that nobody cottons on to the fact we have no coherent policy on this at all.”

Meanwhile, in a concurrent planning application, BendVegen have also applied to build 700 perspex homes on a site just East of Pan Meadows, a perspex housing estate on Ventnor Botanic Gardens, and a clear plastic traffic tunnel leading straight from Portsmouth to the West Wight. In a sweetener deal they have offerd to replace all public toilets closed by the Isle of Wight Council with a series of new see-through public lavatories.

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