‘Date Night’ Earns Island Man Hospital Stay

A COWES man was rushed to St Mary’s in ‘unfortunate circumstances’ this evening, according to reports.

Hospital spokesperson, Dr. Hugh G. Rection, said that the man, whose identity is as yet unknown, had planned to enjoy ‘Steak and Blowjob Day‘, however was not to be undaunted by a lack of girlfriend, or wife.

After cooking himself what he claimed was ‘the best fucking steak ever’ he attempted to reward himself with the latter part of the days celebration.

Due to the almost impossible nature of the exercise he was attempting, Dr. Rection stated that the man had taken muscle relaxants, Viagra, and also sneakily spiked his own drink with Rohypnol.

After positioning himself for the attempted self-fellatio, the Rohypnol is believed to have kicked in at about the same time the relaxants did, and the poor man passed out, and then defecated all over himself.

The unfortunate incident worsened as the Viagra took effect, leaving the embattled romantic with only one part of his body functioning, looking like a sorry flag pole on a mountain of pathetic mess.

It’s understood the man will make a full recovery, however at present, understandably doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.